Make Me Wanna Die; The Pretty Reckless
A sudden flash of lightning illuminates the room for a brief moment, but all grows dark again within seconds. The image captured in her mind however, is not one that fades, nor is it the one she has just seen. The empty apartment isn’t much to look at, despite its extravagance. At the moment, in fact, it seems cold. Lifeless. Much like the rain pounding against the window pane, it serves it’s function without feeling. The storm outside is nothing compared to the one raging in that empty room. She slumps against the wall, sinking to the floor listlessly, and her head drops to her knees in surrender. Is he so obsessed with consuming her-that other girl’s- every thought that he can stoop to that level? So determined to have her hate him more than anything else that all he can think to do is destroy the precious nestling of trust that had built between himself and the girl on the floor? Ran had just begun to think he wasn’t as horrible as she once supposed. Wasn’t the arrogant asshole she had first met, the one who would choose and use and then spit people out like they were disposable. Sure, she had heard some horrible things about him, but the opinion of the spurned was biased. As much as she loved her friend, she often thought she had turned the boy into more of a devil than he really was, not that Ran couldn’t see why. So yes, she had heard of the awful things he had said. Had heard of the way he tossed aside that girl, had heard of the way he had broken her heart, stolen her desire to be loved or to love. But maybe he had changed. Maybe he wasn’t as awful as he had been when Ran first laid eyes on him, wasn’t as awful as she had heard from her friend. In fact, it had seemed that this was the truth. There was feeling there, lying in those nearly blue eyes, that had seemed so cold and ruthless at first. But this feeling had turned out to be more of a desire to dominate than anything else. And so, in front of the world itself, in front of her, he had stolen from her friend something precious. The bastard.
Long dark hair pools around her stooped shoulders as the slender figure droops, crumpled into herself. And to think she had developed feelings for- Ran shakes the thought away, straightening up in the same instant. She couldn’t breathe. Stumbling to her feet with lead limbs proves hard, but finding her way in the dark is harder. She scrapes her nails along the wall as she goes, wishing for the comforting figure of her brother, though she knew he was probably at home as well, reflecting just as angrily on what that boy had done to her friend, his- Well, it didn’t matter what her friend was to her brother. That wasn’t the point. What was important was what that other boy had done. There’s another flash, like the strobe lights of the underground, and the room grows visible for an instant. Ran never bothered to turn on the lights. And in the doorway, in that singular moment, is a male figure, though not the one she wanted to see. Ran backs up, the sound of her heels displaying her movement and echoing over the wooden floor, backs up until she finds the wall behind her, pressed flat. The lightning however, betrays her position, and the male figure is moving, moving. Ran turns her face to the side, looks up at a ceiling obscured by darkness, down at a floor she cannot see. Anywhere but where he is. She doesn’t want to see him, doesn’t want to search for those almost blue eyes, for those reassuring arms. Her heart is beating in her head, despite not belonging there. She concentrates on sliding the organ back down to her ribcage. Her fingers dig into the wall behind her, attempting to flee like a trapped animal. The room turns once again to gold as another sliver of light weaves it’s way through the sky and cracks it in half, and he’s closer than she realized. Closer than he should be. Weak-kneed, Ran finds herself sinking once again to the floor, hating herself for weakness, hating herself for losing. Hating him for everything else. A strong hand brings her up again, her slight form just barely trembling from the rush of blood as she changes position so drastically. Before she can stop herself, a small sound charges through her lips, more of a whimper than anything else. More a sound of weakness than one of strength. Ran swallows hard, and forces her voice into being. “W-what are you doing here?” The hand slides down her arm to her wrist and the familiar warmth causes her to slump back to the wall, leaning against it for balance. “Answer me.” Her voice is failing her, retreating. No, not now. Not when she needs it most. There’s movement again, the hand twining itself around her waist. “What you did was... was unforgivable.”
“I’m sorry.” The sound is a whisper, soft enough that she has to strain to hear it. That’s the only reason she moves closer, to hear. Nothing else. She doesn’t want to be near him anymore.
“Sorry doesn’t make it go away.”
“I wanted to see...”
“See what? See how many people you could hurt at once? I’m through with your games, through with your jealousy, through with you jerking us around. If you wanted her, then you shouldn’t have let her go. My brother... he’s good for her, even if she doesn’t know it yet. You’re bad for everyone. Get out of our lives, go live your fabulous existence elsewhere. I don’t even know why you came to us in the first place.” She’s managed to keep the threatening tears at bay. She hadn’t cried over him yet, and she wasn’t about to.
“I wanted to see if I had any feelings for her.”
“Good for you. Leave.”
“I don’t.”
“I couldn’t care less.”
She wasn’t doing this, wasn’t involving herself in his game. His hand found the light switch, and in that instant all was illuminated. Ran dug her nails into her palms. He was soaked through from the rain, looking at her with some variety emotion in those almost blue eyes. But what was it? Ran swallowed her feelings and spoke again. “Don’t you understand how much I...” He silenced her with a kiss. She pushed him away roughly, pressing herself further into the wall. “I’m not doing this. I wish you would just die, I wish you would... just leave me alone.” His face morphed into a slight smirk.
“Don’t you get it yet? You can’t get rid of me.” The hand slid up to cup her face. “I’m not one who gives up on what I really want.”
You make me wanna die
I'll never be good enough
You make me wanna die
And everything you love, will burn up in the light
Every time I look inside your eyes (burning in the light)
Make me wanna die
My love, my love
(c) 2010, Rafi K.
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